Value.

In my book To Be Free, Annora addresses her struggle with social anxiety. This is in no small part because it gives a more concrete depth to her reclusiveness and the level of grief and loneliness she feels over the loss of her parents. People who struggle socially tend to grieve more tragically. 

As a teen, I dealt with a hearty dose of social anxiety. It stretched far into my 20's and has been a factor in many relationship struggles, both romantic and in friendships. 

I tried for years to understand why I had such a hard time with it. In high school I had friends, dated, and went to school functions. I was involved in choir and other activities. But inside, I was absolutely and constantly terrified. Every blunder stayed with me forever. Every awkward moment scarred me. I can still recall them! I spent a lot of time walking fast, trying to look busy, or, on the worst days, hiding in the bathroom until lunch was over because I was too afraid to approach anyone to ask to sit with them. 

Did people treat me badly? No.

Had I done something to shame myself? No.

But for some reason I was always scared. 

Why is it that some people can't seem to loosen up and feel comfortable in their own skin?

Why is it that some people, like me and others I've talked to, analyze every word they say and torture themselves over even the smallest inflection?

I'm pushing the big 3-0. I've hit a point in my 20's when I am now seeing it in the distance and realizing that life moves so so fast and I want to grow and be and live. 

In that desire to live fully, I've learned something about myself, and possibly other's who struggle socially. 

While I have always valued the people in my life, I have not always valued my place in their's. 

Let me explain.

If you don't believe you matter to people... 

If you don't think people really care about you...

If you are convinced people just put up with you...

If all you do is focus in on what you can't do and ignore what you can:

You will ALWAYS be afraid. 

I realized looking back that my problem wasn't whether or not people cared about me or were genuine friends, ect.. my problem was that I didn't value myself.

I believed myself to be disposable.

I believe I was everyone's second choice.

I believed I was just making a fool of myself.

I believed that once I made a mistake, there was no redemption for me. That the blunder defined me, no matter how small or insignificant it might have been.

I couldn't see what I was good at because I was staring at all the things I was terrible at.

I know I'm not the only one who felt like this. 

I know there are others who feel this way now.

Here's what I would say to you:

You have to believe you are worth knowing. 

You have to believe that God put you on this earth intentionally,

and that that places a value on you that is untouchable.

You have to remember that we were all given gifts (talents, abilities) and they MATTER and are NEEDED.

You have to remember that because you DO have a purpose, 

there will be opposition to that and that making you feel insignificant and unworthy is just one tactic to make you QUIT.

Remember who your enemy is. God is your greatest ally and the devil (yes, satan, the devil) is your greatest enemy. There is a spiritual battle being being fought over you. When you give in to feeling insignificant you are laying your purpose down and the enemy just laughs at you and chalks it down as a point in his favor. 

Don't let that happen. 

So, friend, lift your head and wipe off your apprehension. 

Smile and remind yourself that you are important, needed, and here ON PURPOSE. 

Value yourself. 

What you bring to the world really matters.

We need you.